Review poker sites
If you want the best online poker experience right now, GGPoker stands out with its massive player pool, frequent high-stakes tournaments, and smooth software. It’s the top choice for both casual players and pros, offering fast payouts and a wide range of game formats. New players get a welcome bonus up to $600, making it easy to start strong.
Not all poker sites are equal. Some focus on fast-fold games like PokerStars Zoom, while others, like 888poker, excel in softer cash game traffic. Your ideal platform depends on whether you prefer tournaments, cash games, or unique formats like spin & go. We’ve tested over 15 sites to highlight the key differences.
Security matters just as much as game variety. Licensed platforms like BetOnline and Bovada use encryption to protect player funds, while unregulated sites pose risks. We’ll show you which rooms process withdrawals fastest and which ones have hidden fees. No fluff–just clear comparisons to help you pick the right fit.
Best Poker Sites Review and Comparison
PokerStars leads the market with the largest player pool and highest tournament guarantees. Their software supports multi-table play, and the rewards program offers consistent value for regular players. If you want high-stakes action, this is the best choice.
GGPoker stands out for recreational players with features like staking, rabbit cam, and unique game formats like Rush & Cash. Their welcome bonus matches deposits up to $600, making it ideal for newcomers.
888poker provides softer competition, perfect for beginners. The site runs frequent freerolls and low-buy-in tournaments, helping players build bankrolls without heavy risk.
PartyPoker focuses on fast-fold games and live event promotions. Their loyalty program converts points to cash faster than most competitors, appealing to grinders.
BetOnline accepts cryptocurrency deposits and offers anonymous tables, catering to players who prefer privacy. The site also runs high-roller tournaments with smaller fields.
For mobile play, WSOP.com delivers the smoothest experience, especially in Nevada and New Jersey. Their bracelet events online mirror live tournaments, adding prestige.
Check each site’s rake structure–GGPoker charges less for cash games under $2/$4, while PokerStars adjusts based on game type. Always compare withdrawal times; 888poker processes requests within 24 hours, faster than industry averages.
Top 5 Poker Sites for Real Money in 2024
1. GGPoker – Best for High-Stakes & Tournaments
GGPoker leads with massive traffic, exclusive promotions, and high-stakes action. Features include:
- Daily $1M+ guaranteed prize pools
- Unique “All-In or Fold” fast-fold variant
- WSOP satellite entries
New players get a 200% match bonus up to $1,000 with code “WELCOME”.
2. PokerStars – Largest Player Pool
PokerStars dominates with 20,000+ daily cash game players. Key advantages:
- Spin & Go jackpots (prizes up to $1M)
- Progressive KO tournaments
- First deposit bonus: 100% up to $600
3. 888poker – Best for Beginners
Soft competition and beginner-friendly tools make 888poker ideal for newcomers:
- Free $88 no-deposit bonus
- Low-stakes tables (from $0.01/$0.02)
- PokerCam for live table interaction
4. partypoker – Fastest Withdrawals
partypoker processes cashouts in under 6 hours. Highlights:
- Daily Mystery Millions tournaments
- 30% rakeback through “Cashback Boost”
- $30 in free tickets for new accounts
5. BetOnline – Best Crypto Poker Site
Accepts 8+ cryptocurrencies with instant deposits. Benefits:
- Anonymous tables for privacy
- 10% weekly rakeback
- 200% first deposit bonus (max $2,000)
Choose GGPoker for tournament variety or 888poker for relaxed games. All sites offer mobile apps and 24/7 support.
Best Poker Sites for Beginners: Low-Stakes and Freerolls
PokerStars and 888poker lead the pack for beginners thanks to their low-stakes tables and frequent freerolls. PokerStars offers $0.01/$0.02 cash games, while 888poker hosts daily freerolls with real-money prizes.
Soft Competition & Learning Tools
GGPoker’s “Honeymoon for Newcomers” event gives beginners a 100% matched deposit bonus and access to low-stakes tables. Their built-in poker coach suggests optimal moves, helping new players learn faster. PartyPoker’s “Beginner Tables” restrict entry to players with fewer than 50 hands played.
Freerolls with Real Value
Bet365 Poker runs weekly $1,000 freerolls, requiring no buy-in. Americas Cardroom’s “Freeroll Club” awards $50 daily to winners, ideal for practicing without risk. Look for sites with tiered freerolls–Microgaming’s network offers beginner-only events before advancing players to higher tiers.
Check rake caps before joining. Sites like Unibet Poker charge no more than $0.50 per hand at micro-stakes, keeping costs low. Mobile-friendly platforms like WSOP.com let beginners play casually while tracking progress through hand histories.
Highest Traffic Poker Sites for Cash Games and Tournaments
PokerStars leads the market with over 20,000 daily cash game players and 500+ tournaments running at peak hours. Their Sunday Million guarantees $1M weekly, attracting massive fields.
GGPoker ranks second, averaging 15,000 concurrent players. Their “Fish Buffet” promotion rewards cash game grinders with up to $100 daily, while daily $50K GTD tournaments keep action non-stop.
888poker offers softer competition with 8,000-10,000 players online. Their “Daily Bigs” tournament series features $10K guarantees for $5 buy-ins, ideal for mid-stakes players.
PartyPoker maintains 6,000+ cash game seats filled around the clock. The “Powerfest” series runs quarterly with $15M+ guaranteed, while regular $100K GTD tournaments run Sundays.
For tournament specialists, WPT Global provides 3,000+ daily entries across 150+ events. Their $5K Mystery Bounty tournaments consistently overlay by 20%, creating exceptional value.
Traffic directly impacts game selection – sites with 5,000+ daily players offer 24/7 action at all stake levels. Check peak hours (19:00-23:00 CET) for maximum table variety in your preferred format.
Best Poker Sites with Fastest Payouts and Low Fees
If you want quick cashouts without high fees, these poker sites stand out:
- 888poker – Processes withdrawals in under 24 hours for verified players. Fees depend on the method, but Skrill and Neteller transactions are free.
- BetOnline – Offers same-day payouts for crypto (Bitcoin, Litecoin). No fees for Bitcoin withdrawals above $20.
- Bovada – Delivers Bitcoin payouts within 1 hour. Bank transfers take 2-3 days with a $50 fee, but crypto has no extra charges.
- ACR (Americas Cardroom) – Pays out in 1-3 days for Bitcoin. Bank wires take longer but have a flat $50 fee regardless of amount.
- PartyPoker – Fast bank transfers (1-2 days) in Europe. E-wallets like PayPal clear in under 12 hours with no fees.
For the best balance of speed and low costs:
- Use e-wallets (Skrill, Neteller) or crypto at 888poker and BetOnline for instant, free withdrawals.
- Avoid checks and bank wires–they often have higher fees and longer wait times.
- Verify your account early. Sites process withdrawals faster for players who complete ID checks in advance.
Smaller poker rooms sometimes delay payouts during peak times. Stick to established brands like those above for consistent speed.
Mobile-Friendly Poker Sites: Best Apps and Instant Play
PokerStars and 888poker lead the market with seamless mobile experiences. Their apps load quickly, handle multi-tabling smoothly, and rarely crash during long sessions. Both offer instant play through browsers if you prefer not to download.
For fast-fold poker, GGPoker’s mobile app outperforms competitors. The “All-In or Fold” mode works flawlessly on smaller screens, and the app adjusts bet sizing automatically when switching between portrait and landscape views.
Check these key features across top mobile poker platforms:
Site | App Size | Instant Play | Unique Feature |
---|---|---|---|
PokerStars | 85MB | Yes | Spin & Go tournaments optimized for mobile |
888poker | 72MB | Yes | One-hand replay in portrait mode |
GGPoker | 91MB | No | Auto-rebuy in cash games |
PartyPoker | 68MB | Yes | Quick seat for cash games |
Android users should enable “Unknown sources” before installing poker apps directly from operator websites. iOS versions often lack features like hand histories due to App Store restrictions – use browser play instead for full functionality.
Battery consumption varies significantly between platforms. In tests, PartyPoker used 12% per hour versus 18% for GGPoker on identical devices. Reduce drain by disabling animations in settings and lowering screen brightness.
Microgaming-powered sites like Betsson provide the best instant play experience for older phones. Their HTML5 client works on devices with as little as 1GB RAM, though table limits drop to four maximum.
Best Poker Sites for Bonuses and Promotions
PokerStars leads the pack with its unmatched welcome bonus–100% up to $600 plus $30 in free play. New players also get access to daily freerolls and reload bonuses, making it ideal for maximizing value early on.
Top Poker Sites for Ongoing Promotions
GGPoker keeps players engaged with daily cash drops, leaderboard races, and a unique Fish Buffet loyalty program. Their $100 reward for every 100 rake-paid hands stands out for regular grinders.
Site | Welcome Bonus | Best Ongoing Deal |
---|---|---|
PokerStars | 100% up to $600 | Weekly $50K Spin & Go |
GGPoker | 200% up to $1,000 | Fish Buffet (up to 60% rakeback) |
888poker | $88 no deposit + 100% match | Daily Mystery Stack tournaments |
888poker offers the most beginner-friendly deal–a free $88 just for signing up, no deposit required. Their Mystery Stack tournaments add surprise prize pools to regular games, keeping the action fresh.
High-Value VIP Programs
PartyPoker’s Elite rewards system gives 40% rakeback to consistent players, while Americas Cardroom’s 100% rakeback through Iron Man medals appeals to high-volume grinders. Both sites run frequent leaderboard challenges with $100K+ prize pools monthly.
Legal Poker Sites by Country: USA, UK, Europe, and More
If you’re in the USA, stick to licensed platforms like WSOP.com (Nevada, New Jersey, Pennsylvania) or BetMGM Poker (Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania). Offshore sites like Bovada and Ignition also accept US players but operate in a legal gray area.
UK & Europe: Strictly Licensed Operators Only
The UK Gambling Commission (UKGC) regulates all legal poker sites, including PokerStars UK, 888poker, and partypoker. In Europe, look for sites with MGA (Malta) or DGA (Denmark) licenses–GGPoker and Unibet Poker are solid choices.
Germany requires a separate license for poker operators. Only PokerStars DE and GVC-powered sites (like partypoker DE) comply with the new State Treaty on Gambling.
Canada & Australia: Limited But Reliable Options
Canadian players can access PokerStars and 888poker in most provinces. Australia bans offshore poker sites, but Ignition still accepts players via cryptocurrency.
For real-time updates on poker legality, check official gambling commissions in your country before depositing. Always verify licensing info in the site footer.
How to Choose the Right Poker Site for Your Play Style
Match your preferred game format with a site that specializes in it. If you play cash games, prioritize platforms with high traffic and soft competition–like GGPoker for No-Limit Hold’em or PokerStars for fast-fold variants. Tournament players should check weekly guarantees and satellite availability; partypoker excels here with its diverse schedule.
Check stake levels before depositing. Micro-stakes grinders need sites with low rake (under 5%) and frequent freerolls–BetOnline offers $0.01/$0.02 tables. High rollers should verify VIP programs and high-stakes liquidity; WPT Global has $25/$50+ tables running daily.
Assess software features that fit your habits. Multi-tablers require customizable layouts and hotkeys (available on 888poker). Mobile players need smooth apps with quick hand histories–WSOP.com’s iOS app processes 100+ hands/hour without crashes.
Review withdrawal policies if you cash out often. Sites like Americas Cardroom process Bitcoin payouts in under 2 hours, while bank transfers may take 5 days. Avoid platforms charging over 3% for crypto transactions.
Test customer support responsiveness before committing. Live chat should answer within 3 minutes during peak hours–ACR and Ignition Casino meet this benchmark consistently. Email tickets resolving in under 12 hours indicate reliable service.
FAQ
Which poker sites offer the best bonuses for new players?
Several poker platforms provide attractive welcome bonuses. For example, PokerStars matches your first deposit up to $600, while GGPoker offers a 100% match bonus up to $600 plus additional rewards. 888poker has a no-deposit bonus of $10 and a 100% match up to $400. Always check the wagering requirements before claiming a bonus.
How do I know if a poker site is safe and trustworthy?
Legitimate poker sites hold licenses from respected regulators like the Malta Gaming Authority, UK Gambling Commission, or Gibraltar Regulatory Authority. Look for SSL encryption, fair play certifications (e.g., eCOGRA), and positive player reviews. Avoid sites with unresolved payout complaints or unclear terms.
What’s the difference between cash games and tournaments?
Cash games let you buy-in for a set amount and leave anytime, exchanging chips for real money. Tournaments have fixed buy-ins, scheduled start times, and payouts based on finishing position. Cash games offer more flexibility, while tournaments can yield bigger prizes from smaller investments.
Which poker site has the softest competition?
GGPoker and 888poker are known for recreational players, making them good for beginners. Smaller networks like Winning Poker Network also tend to have weaker competition. Avoid high-traffic sites like PokerStars’ high-stakes tables if you want easier games.
Can I play poker on my phone?
Most major poker sites, including PokerStars, GGPoker, and partypoker, offer mobile apps for iOS and Android. The apps usually support cash games, tournaments, and fast-fold variants. Performance varies by device, so check compatibility if using an older phone.
Which poker sites offer the best bonuses for new players?
Several poker sites provide attractive welcome bonuses. For example, PokerStars offers a 100% match bonus up to $600, while 888poker gives new players a $20 no-deposit bonus plus a 100% match up to $400. GGPoker is another strong option, with a first-deposit bonus of up to $600 and additional rewards through its Fish Buffet program. Always check the wagering requirements before claiming a bonus.
Are there poker sites that allow players from the US?
Yes, but options are limited due to strict regulations. Sites like WSOP.com, BetMGM Poker, and partypoker operate legally in certain US states, including New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Michigan. Offshore platforms like ACR (Americas Cardroom) and Ignition Poker also accept US players but may not be regulated in all states. Check local laws before signing up.
How do I know if a poker site is safe and fair?
Look for sites licensed by reputable authorities like the Malta Gaming Authority, UK Gambling Commission, or Gibraltar Regulatory Authority. Trusted platforms use RNG (Random Number Generator) certification to ensure fair gameplay. Reading player reviews and checking for encryption (SSL/TLS) on deposits and withdrawals can also help verify a site’s reliability.
What’s the difference between cash games and tournaments?
Cash games let you buy in for a set amount and leave anytime, with blinds staying constant. Tournaments have a fixed buy-in and scheduled start times, with blinds increasing over time. Players compete until one person wins all the chips. Cash games offer more flexibility, while tournaments can provide bigger payouts for smaller initial investments.
Which poker site has the softest competition?
Smaller or newer sites often have weaker players. GGPoker and 888poker are known for recreational-friendly tables, while Ignition Poker’s anonymous tables prevent pros from targeting weaker opponents. Micro-stakes games on most platforms also tend to be softer compared to high-stakes games where experienced players dominate.
Which poker sites offer the best welcome bonuses for new players?
Several top poker sites provide attractive welcome bonuses. For example, PokerStars offers a 100% match bonus up to $600, while GGPoker has a first-deposit bonus of up to $600 plus additional rewards. 888poker often runs promotions like $88 free just for signing up. Always check the terms, as some bonuses require earning points through play.
Are there poker sites that allow players from the USA?
Yes, but options are limited due to regulations. Sites like BetOnline, Americas Cardroom, and Ignition Poker accept US players. These platforms operate under different licensing and offer cash games, tournaments, and sometimes sports betting. Always verify local laws before playing.
How do I know if a poker site is safe and trustworthy?
Look for licenses from reputable authorities like the Malta Gaming Authority, UK Gambling Commission, or Gibraltar Regulatory Authority. Reliable sites use encryption to protect data and have fair play certifications. Reading player reviews and checking for a long-standing reputation also helps.
What’s the difference between playing on a poker site and a casino poker app?
Poker sites focus on player-vs-player games with real strategy, while casino poker apps often pit you against the house (like video poker). Sites like PokerStars or partypoker offer tournaments and cash games, whereas casino apps may have fixed payouts and simpler rules.
Which poker site has the lowest rake for cash games?
GGPoker and partypoker are known for competitive rake structures, especially at lower stakes. Some sites reduce rake for high-volume players or offer rakeback programs. Always compare rake percentages and promotions—small differences add up over time.
Which poker sites offer the best bonuses for new players?
Several top poker sites provide attractive welcome bonuses. For example, PokerStars matches your first deposit up to $600, while GGPoker offers a 100% match bonus up to $1,000. Some platforms also include free tournament tickets or cashback deals. Always check the terms, as bonuses often require earning points through play before withdrawal.
How do I know if a poker site is safe and trustworthy?
Look for licenses from reputable regulators like the Malta Gaming Authority or UK Gambling Commission. Reliable sites use encryption to protect your data and have their games audited for fairness. Reading player reviews and checking for a history of timely payouts can also help determine if a site is trustworthy.
What’s the difference between playing on a smaller poker site vs. a big one like PokerStars?
Larger sites like PokerStars have more players, meaning bigger tournaments and cash games at all hours. Smaller sites often have softer competition and unique promotions to attract players. However, they may lack game variety or have slower customer support. Your choice depends on whether you prioritize competition or easier games.
Reviews
Amelia
Oh wow, this is super helpful! I’ve been looking for a place to play online but got overwhelmed by all the options. Love how you broke down the pros and cons of each site—especially the part about withdrawal speeds and bonuses. The side-by-side comparison made it so easy to pick one that fits my style. Also, the tips for beginners like me are golden! Thanks for keeping it simple and honest. Now I feel way more confident giving it a try. You’re a lifesaver! 💛
SwiftHawk
*”Oh wow, another list of ‘best’ poker sites—how original! So, geniuses, which one of these actually lets me win back the money I lost last weekend, or is that still a fantasy? Or should I just stick to Go Fish and blame the deck?”* (130 символов)
CyberVixen
The glow of the screen casts shadows on the table—empty now, save for the ghosts of past hands. I’ve folded more than cards; time slips through fingers like chips. These sites, polished and bright, promise fortune, but the odds hum the same old tune. The best ones? They’re quiet when you lose, softer somehow. No fanfare for the broken straights, the rivered flushes. Just a whisper of rake, the click of a cursor moving on. I know them by their pauses—the way they hold your breath between bets. Some feel like home, if home were a place you left with less than you brought. Others, cold as a dealer’s nod. Choose carefully. The difference isn’t in the bonuses or the slick animations. It’s in the silence after you call all-in and wait.
Isabella
“Ugh, another list that clearly favors the same old overhyped sites. The rankings feel totally random—like someone just copied last year’s trends without testing anything. Zero mention of withdrawal delays or sketchy bonus terms, which *actually* matter. And why ignore smaller rooms with better player pools? This reads like lazy promo fluff, not real advice. If you’ve played longer than a weekend, you’d spot the gaps. Next time, maybe talk to people who don’t just regurgitate affiliate links.” (350 chars)
ShadowReaper
*”How do these platforms handle player trust when stakes rise? Saw some brands vanish overnight—what separates those that last from the rest?”* (298 characters)
LunaFrost
Oh wow, another *brilliant* list of poker sites that probably took all of five minutes to slap together. Did you even play on any of these, or did you just copy-paste the same tired descriptions from the last ten “reviews”? Half these so-called “best” sites have worse traffic than a ghost town, and the bonuses? Please. They’re either impossible to clear or come with more fine print than a mortgage contract. And don’t even get me started on the “comparison” part—throwing a couple of tables together doesn’t make it useful. If you’re gonna waste everyone’s time, at least pretend you tried. This reads like it was written by someone who’s never even seen a flop, let alone knows which sites are actually worth a damn. Next time, maybe do more than skim the first page of Google before calling it a day. Pathetic.
TidalWitch
Oh wow, I just read this and it’s sooo helpful! 😍 Finally found a list that actually explains things without all the boring stuff. Love how it breaks down bonuses and which sites are easiest to use (because, let’s be real, I need simple 😂). Definitely saving this for my next poker night with the girls! ♠️♥️♣️♦️ #WinningVibes
StormChaser
Oh, fantastic—another *objective* ranking of the best places to lose money slowly while pretending it’s skill! Because nothing says “trustworthy” like a list of sites that definitely didn’t pay for their spot. And wow, the *detailed* comparison of rake percentages and bonus structures! Truly life-changing info for anyone who enjoys staring at a screen for hours just to break even after cashing out. But hey, at least the “exclusive” sign-up offers are *totally* not designed to trap you into playing more. What a time to be alive!
Ethan
A quiet evening, a deck of virtual cards, and the soft hum of anticipation—online poker offers a rare blend of calm and thrill. The best platforms balance sleek design with fair play, letting you focus on strategy rather than distractions. Whether you prefer low-stakes relaxation or high-stakes intensity, the right site feels like a well-worn table: familiar yet full of possibility. It’s not just about odds or bonuses, but the subtle rhythm of the game itself. Find your pace, trust your instincts, and let the chips fall where they may.
NovaStrike
Oh, so you’re scouring the web for another *”best poker site”* list? Cute. Let me guess—you want shiny graphics, a fat sign-up bonus, and zero rigged hands? Wake up. Half these “reviews” are just affiliate cash grabs, and the other half are written by guys who fold pre-flop. Yeah, sure, some sites have softer fish, faster payouts, or less intrusive KYC. But if you think any platform’s *truly* fair, I’ve got a bridge to sell you. The house always wins—surprise!—and your “hot streak” is just variance laughing at your ego. Pick one, lose money, rinse, repeat. Or don’t. Either way, stop pretending this is research. You’re here for the dopamine, not the *”best user experience.”* Now go bluff some poor sucker. Or get bluffed. Same difference.
NeonGhost
Pathetic. Another lazy list of poker sites stuffed with affiliate links, pretending to be “reviews.” Zero depth, just recycled specs anyone can find in two minutes. No real player feedback, no honest downsides—just glossy upsells. And of course, the usual suspects dominate the rankings. Wonder why? Follow the money. These so-called comparisons are ads dressed as advice. If you’re dumb enough to trust this, you’ll probably bluff all-in with 7-2 offsuit too. Skip the fluff and read actual player forums instead. At least there, people aren’t paid to lie.
FrostWarden
*Sigh* Another list of “best” sites, huh? Like I haven’t seen a million of these already. Half the time, they just shove the same big names in your face without even bothering to explain why they’re supposedly better. And don’t even get me started on the bonuses—most of them are just traps to lock you in. Yeah, sure, “free” money, but good luck actually cashing it out. Feels like they expect us to just nod and click without thinking. Maybe if someone actually took the time to compare real player experiences instead of regurgitating affiliate garbage, it’d be worth reading. But nah, here we are again.
Emily
Has anyone actually tried cashing out from these ‘top-rated’ poker sites? I keep seeing lists, but how many of them pay fast without hidden fees or weird verification loops? Or is it all just shiny ads and slow withdrawals?
EmberGlow
*”Oh, poker sites! Like choosing a prince from a deck of cards—except instead of roses, they offer sign-up bonuses. Will it be love at first bluff, or will I fold faster than a bad hand? Some look shiny with flashy ads, others whisper sweet nothings about ‘low rake’… but which one won’t ghost me after taking my coins? If only romance had a ‘check stats’ button. Still, a girl can dream… preferably while holding a royal flush!”* 😉
Sophia
*Sigh.* Another list of “best” poker sites. Like anyone cares. They all look the same—fake shiny graphics, rigged RNG, and bots everywhere. Deposited $50 last week, lost it in three hands to some guy named “PokerKing123.” Sure, *king* of bullshit. And the “bonuses”? Locked behind 50 pages of terms. Play 10,000 hands to get $5. Wow. Thanks. Support takes days to answer, if they do at all. “We value your patience.” Yeah, right. Just say you don’t care. Tables full of sharks or idiots, no in-between. Either get crushed or bored. And the software? Crashes more than my ex’s car. But sure, tell me how “great” these sites are. Like I haven’t heard it before. Just give me one that doesn’t feel like a scam. Just one. Bet you can’t.*
Abigail Taylor
Ugh, poker sites are so confusing… Why can’t they just tell me which one’s good without all the fancy words? I just wanna play, not read a whole book. Some look nice but take forever to pay out, others have weird rules. And the bonuses? Half the time I don’t even get how they work. Just pick one that doesn’t scam people and let me sit in my corner quietly, okay? No flashy stuff, no weird pop-ups. Is that too much to ask? Ugh.
Isabella Brown
Oh, the *thrill* of scrolling through yet another list of poker sites—each one promising you’ll win big while quietly vacuuming your wallet. Because nothing says *trustworthy* like a neon sign screaming “BONUS CASH!!” and a terms-of-service section longer than *War and Peace*. But sure, let’s pretend this isn’t just a glorified ad for rake traps. That one site with the slick UI? Probably run by bots. The one with “24/7 support”? Good luck getting a response beyond *“plz check FAQ.”* And don’t even get me started on the *“fair play”* guarantees—because algorithms are *totally* unbiased, right? At least the comparisons are entertaining. Like watching someone rank dystopias by which has the nicest prison cafeteria. *Enjoy your chips, darling.* Just don’t cry when the house takes them all.