Repair poker leaks

Stop calling too wide from the blinds. Many players lose money by defending with weak hands like K7o or Q5s against late-position raises. Tighten your range to top 20-25% of hands in the small blind and 15-20% in the big blind. This simple adjustment cuts losses by 2-3 big blinds per 100 hands.

Pay attention to bet sizing on wet boards. If the flop comes J♥9♥6♦, a half-pot c-bet won’t pressure draws enough. Increase to 65-75% pot to charge flush and straight equity. On dry boards like K♣7♦2♠, smaller bets (40-50%) work better–your opponents fold just as often, but you lose less when behind.

Track how often you fold to 3-bets. If your fold rate exceeds 60%, you’re likely surrendering too much. Add hands like A5s, KJo, and small pocket pairs to your 4-bet or call range in position. Against aggressive players, flatting with suited connectors can exploit their overbluffing tendencies postflop.

Stop overvaluing weak top pairs. Holding Q♣8♣ on a Q♦7♠3♥ board might feel strong, but it’s vulnerable to better kickers and bluffs. Check-call once, then reassess–don’t auto-barrel into resistance. Save aggression for hands with showdown value or strong draws.

Review your hand histories monthly. Spotting patterns takes consistent effort. If you notice frequent river calls with second pair, drill pot odds until folding becomes instinctive. Small leaks add up; fixing just one can swing your win rate by 1-2 BB/100.

Fix Common Poker Leaks and Improve Your Game

Stop overvaluing weak aces in early position. Hands like A7o or A5s lose money when called, especially against tight opponents. Fold them unless the table is unusually passive.

Track your continuation bet frequency. If it’s below 60% in single-raised pots, you’re missing value. If it’s above 80%, you’re bluffing too much. Adjust based on opponent fold rates.

Three-bet more with suited connectors (65s+) and small pairs (22-77) from late position. These hands play well post-flop and force folds from marginal holdings.

Use this sizing guide for river value bets:

Board Texture	Recommended Bet Size
Dry (no draws possible)	55-65% pot
Moderate (one flush/straight draw)	65-75% pot
Wet (multiple draws)	75-90% pot

Identify players who fold too much to delayed c-bets. When they check twice on a static board (e.g., K♠ 7♦ 2♥ 4♣), bet 60% pot with any two cards.

Stop calling preflop raises with offsuit broadways (KJo, QTo) from early positions. These hands win only 38-42% against a typical opening range and often face tough postflop decisions.

Against tight players, increase your steal attempts from the button to 45-50% of hands. Include suited one-gappers (T8s, 97s) and weak suited aces (A2s-A5s) in your raising range.

When facing a 3-bet, fold small suited aces (A2s-A5s) unless you’re in position with a deep stack (150bb+). Their equity shrinks against premium ranges.

Stop Overvaluing Weak Hands Preflop

Fold hands like K7o, Q9s, and J8o from early positions–they lose money long-term. These hands look playable but often lead to tough postflop decisions with weak equity.

Pay attention to position. Hands like A5o or T9s can work on the button but become liabilities under the gun. Open tighter in early spots (top 15% of hands) and widen gradually as you move closer to the blinds.

Stop defending weak suited connectors in the blinds. Calling a raise with 65s might seem tempting, but you’ll flop enough equity only 35% of the time. Stick to hands that can make top pair or better.

Resist the urge to overlimp. Hands like J4s or T7o rarely flop well enough to justify entering the pot. Either raise to thin the field or fold–don’t invite multiway pots with weak holdings.

Track hands where you called preflop and then folded to a c-bet. If it happens more than 60% of the time, tighten your preflop range. Passive play with marginal hands bleeds chips.

Use blockers when bluffing instead of relying on weak Ax or Kx hands. A hand like A2s has some bluff potential, but K5o just creates costly mistakes. Stick to hands that can either bluff effectively or improve postflop.

Avoid Calling Too Much in Multiway Pots

Calling too often in multiway pots weakens your range and reduces your win rate. Focus on raising or folding instead, especially with marginal hands.

Three key reasons to tighten up in multiway pots:

• Equity diminishes: Each extra player reduces your hand’s chance to win. A hand with 30% equity heads-up drops below 15% against four opponents.
• Reverse implied odds hurt: Second-best hands lose bigger pots. Middle pair might seem safe until someone shows up with top pair or a draw.
• Initiative matters: Players who call frequently face more aggression. Being the raiser gives you control and folds out weaker hands.

Adjust your strategy with these guidelines:

1. Raise strong draws: Hands like flush draws or open-ended straight draws gain value from fold equity. Betting builds the pot when you hit.
2. Fold weak pairs postflop: Bottom pair or middle pair with no kicker rarely holds up against multiple players. Save chips for better spots.
3. Isolate weak players: If one opponent calls too wide, raise to punish them. Multiway pots reward aggression, not passive calling.

Example scenario: You hold K♠ J♠ on a Q♠ 8♠ 2♦ flop with three opponents. Instead of calling a bet, raise. You deny equity from overcards, charge worse draws, and might win immediately.

Track hands where you called in multiway pots and review outcomes. If most show losses, tighten your range and prioritize aggression.

Balance Your Betting Sizes on the Flop

Adjust your flop bet sizes based on board texture and your range strength. On dry boards (e.g., K♠ 7♦ 2♥), use smaller bets (25-40% pot) with both strong and weak hands. On wet boards (e.g., J♥ 8♦ 6♣), increase sizing to 50-75% to charge draws and protect your equity.

Why Bet Sizing Matters

• Dry boards: Small bets deny equity from overcards while keeping your bluffs cheap.
• Wet boards: Larger bets pressure opponents with draws and build pots for your strong hands.
• Mixed sizing: Avoid always betting 50% pot–predictable patterns make you exploitable.

Implementing Balanced Sizes

1. Use a 3-tier system:
   • 33% pot for dry boards or capped ranges
   • 50% pot for medium-connected boards
   • 66-75% pot for highly coordinated boards
2. Match your bluffs: If you bet 75% pot with sets, use the same size with your semi-bluffs (e.g., open-ended straight draws).
3. Adjust to opponents: Against calling stations, size up for value. Versus tight players, downsize bluffs.

Track hands where your bet sizing revealed your hand strength. If you only bet big with nutted hands, observant opponents will fold correctly. Mix in large bets with marginal holdings like middle pair to stay unpredictable.

Cut Down on Bluffing Against Passive Players

Passive players rarely fold to aggression, so bluffing them wastes chips. Focus on value betting strong hands instead. If they call too often, exploit them by betting thinner for value rather than trying to push them off weak holdings.

Identify passive opponents by tracking their fold-to-cbet and fold-to-3bet stats. Players with numbers below 40% in either category usually call too much to bluff profitably. Adjust by removing bluffs from your ranges against them.

When passive players check-call flops and turns, stop firing multiple barrels with air. Their calling frequency rarely drops on later streets. If they suddenly raise, fold most bluff catchers unless you have strong reads.

Use smaller bet sizes for value against passives. They call with weak hands anyway, so maximize profit from marginal holdings without scaring them off. Try 50-60% pot on flops instead of standard 66-75%.

In multiway pots with passive players, bluffing becomes even less effective. The more callers in the hand, the more likely someone has a piece of the board. Save bluffs for heads-up spots against thinking opponents.

Against passive stations, turn some bluff candidates into check-back hands. Your 7-high missed flush draw gains more from potential free cards than failed bluff attempts against calling machines.

Fold More Often to Large River Bets

Large river bets usually indicate strong hands–unless you have a clear read that your opponent bluffs frequently, folding is often the best play. Many players call too much on the river, losing chips when they’re clearly beaten.

Pay attention to bet sizing. If an opponent suddenly bets 70% of the pot or more on the river, they’re rarely bluffing. Recreational players especially overvalue their strong hands and under-bluff in these spots.

Situation	Recommended Action
Opponent bets 2x pot on river after passive play	Fold unless you have the nuts
Multiway pot, one player raises all-in	Fold marginal hands like second pair
Board pairs on river, opponent jams	Fold unless you hold a full house

Review hands where you called large river bets and lost. Track how often your opponent showed up with a bluff versus a strong hand. Adjust your strategy based on their tendencies.

If you’re unsure, ask yourself: “Does my hand beat any value bets here?” If the answer is no, save your chips for better spots. Strong players exploit opponents who call too much on the river–don’t be that player.

Adjust Your Play Based on Stack Sizes

Short stacks (under 30 big blinds) require tighter ranges–prioritize high-equity hands like pocket pairs and strong suited aces. Avoid speculative hands that need deep stacks to realize their value.

With 30-60 big blinds, expand your opening range slightly but stay cautious postflop. Play more small pots and avoid committing large portions of your stack without a clear advantage.

Deep stacks (100+ big blinds) allow for wider preflop play, including suited connectors and small pairs. Focus on implied odds and adjust aggression based on opponents’ tendencies.

Against short-stacked opponents, increase your preflop 3-betting frequency. They’ll often fold or commit with weak holdings, giving you easy wins without showdown.

When you’re short-stacked, shove or fold in most spots. Limping or small raises waste chips–go all-in with hands that have decent equity against calling ranges.

In multiway pots with deep stacks, avoid bloating the pot with marginal hands. Look for spots where you can outplay opponents postflop rather than relying on preflop strength.

Adjust bet sizing based on effective stack depth. With shallow stacks, use larger bets (75-100% pot) to deny equity. Deep stacks allow for smaller, multi-street bets to build the pot gradually.

Track Opponent Tendencies for Exploits

Identify recurring patterns in your opponents’ play by taking notes on their actions in specific spots. Focus on three key areas: preflop raises, postflop aggression, and showdown hands.

Preflop Leaks to Exploit

• Mark players who open-limp more than 15% of hands–isolate them with larger raises (3.5x-4x).
• Target opponents who fold to 3-bets over 65% by light 3-betting hands like suited connectors.
• Exploit tight players (VPIP under 18%) by stealing their blinds with any two cards when they’re in the cutoff or button.

Postflop Adjustments

Against opponents who:

1. Always c-bet flops: Float with backdoor draws or overcards, then take the pot away on turns they check.
2. Check-raise too often: Call with marginal made hands, as their range is usually polarized to bluffs or monsters.
3. Fold to double barrels 70%+: Fire a second bullet with any semi-bluff after they call the flop.

Use HUD stats like WTSD (Went to Showdown) to spot calling stations. If a player’s WTSD is above 28%, value bet thinner and avoid bluffing.

Review hand histories weekly to spot trends. If an opponent shows down three weak pairs after calling two streets, start betting smaller for value against them.

Manage Tilt by Setting Stop-Loss Limits

Set a strict stop-loss limit before each session–for example, three buy-ins–and quit immediately if you hit it. This prevents emotional decisions after a bad run and keeps losses controlled.

Choose the Right Stop-Loss Threshold

Base your limit on bankroll size and game stakes. If you play cash games, a 2-3 buy-in cap works for most players. For tournaments, limit losses to 5% of your weekly bankroll. Adjust tighter if you tilt easily.

Track your stop-loss exits in a spreadsheet. If you frequently hit the limit, review hands for mistakes rather than blaming variance.

Use Time Limits as a Backup

Add a session timer (e.g., 2 hours) to avoid fatigue-induced tilt. Stop playing when time runs out, even if winning. Short breaks every 45 minutes also help reset focus.

If you feel frustration building, leave the table early–don’t wait for the stop-loss trigger. Tilt often starts before big losses happen.

Each “ focuses on a specific, practical poker leak with clear guidance for improvement. Let me know if you’d like any refinements!

Stop open-limping from early position. This passive play invites aggression and reduces your win rate. Raise or fold instead to maintain control of the pot.

Check your fold-to-cbet percentage on the flop. If it’s below 45%, you’re calling too often. Fold weaker holdings when facing continuation bets, especially on dry boards.

Use smaller bet sizes (25-33% pot) when bluffing on the river. Large bluffs work less often against calling stations, while small bets still pressure opponents without overcommitting chips.

Identify players who always call one bet but fold to a second barrel. Double-barrel bluff these opponents on turn cards that complete draws or scare cards like overcards to the board.

Track how often you 3-bet from the blinds. If below 8%, you’re likely folding too much. Add suited connectors and small pairs to your 3-betting range against late position opens.

Notice when opponents min-click raises preflop. This often indicates a very strong hand. Adjust by folding marginal holdings and avoiding bluff-heavy lines against these players.

Review hands where you called all-in on the river with medium-strength hands. Many players lose chips by calling with second pair or weak top pair when facing large river shoves.

Count how many hands you play per hour. If exceeding 30% in full-ring games, tighten up. Playing too many hands from early positions drains your stack over time.

Mark hands where you called multiple streets with ace-high. Unless you have strong reads, these calls rarely show profit against most player types.

Test different bet sizing strategies in similar spots. If you always bet 75% pot on the turn, try 50% with some bluffs to make your game harder to read.

Q&A:

How do I stop calling too much with weak hands?

Calling too often with marginal hands is a common leak. Focus on tightening your preflop range—fold more hands like weak suited connectors or low pairs from early positions. Postflop, avoid calling bets without a clear plan. Ask yourself: “Do I have equity, or am I just hoping to hit?” If you’re unsure, folding is usually better.

Why do I keep losing money in late-position battles?

Many players struggle with aggression in late position. If you’re facing frequent raises on the button or blinds, adjust by 3-betting wider with strong hands and bluffs. Defend your blinds selectively—don’t feel forced to play weak hands just because it’s “cheap.” Pay attention to opponents’ tendencies; some players over-steal, while others only raise strong.

What’s the biggest mistake in bluffing?

Bluffing without a plan. Good bluffs consider board texture, opponent tendencies, and your story. For example, bluffing on dry boards (like K-7-2 rainbow) is tough because opponents often have strong hands. Instead, target dynamic boards (like J-9-6 with two hearts) where your bluffs make sense. Also, avoid bluffing opponents who rarely fold.

How can I improve my bet sizing?

Poor bet sizing leaks money. For value bets, size up when you have a strong hand and the board favors your range—don’t underbet just to “trap.” For bluffs, match your bet to the story (e.g., a half-pot bet looks more credible than a tiny stab). On the flop, 25-50% pot is standard for continuation bets, but adjust based on board texture.

Why do I tilt after bad beats?

Tilt often comes from unrealistic expectations. Poker involves variance—even the best hands lose sometimes. To manage tilt, accept that bad beats are part of the game. Take short breaks after tough losses, and avoid playing when emotional. Tracking your results helps too; over time, luck evens out if you make good decisions.

How do I stop calling too much with weak hands?

Calling too often with marginal hands is a common leak. Focus on tightening your preflop range—stick to strong starting hands in early positions and avoid chasing weak draws postflop. Pay attention to opponents’ tendencies; if they bet aggressively, folding weak pairs or low suited connectors is often better than calling down. Discipline and patience are key.

What’s the best way to handle tilt after a bad beat?

Tilt can ruin your game. Take a short break to reset mentally—walk away for a few minutes, breathe, and remind yourself that variance is part of poker. Avoid chasing losses by playing recklessly. Some players set stop-loss limits to prevent emotional decisions. Reviewing hands objectively later can also help reduce frustration.

Why do I keep losing money in late-position battles?

Late-position play requires balance. If you’re too passive, opponents will steal blinds often; if too aggressive, you risk overplaying weak hands. Work on adjusting your 3-bet ranges—defend wider against steals but avoid bluffing into tight players. Observing opponents’ tendencies helps determine when to apply pressure or fold.

How can I improve my bluffing success rate?

Good bluffs tell a believable story. Choose spots where your actions match a strong hand—like raising on scare cards that complete obvious draws. Avoid bluffing against calling stations or in multiway pots. Semi-bluffs (e.g., flush draws with overcards) work better since you still have equity if called.

Should I play fewer tables to improve decision-making?

Multitabling can hurt focus. If you make frequent mistakes or miss reads, reducing tables helps. Start with fewer tables and gradually add more as your speed and accuracy improve. Quality over quantity matters—better decisions at fewer tables often yield higher win rates than autopiloting many games.

How do I stop calling too much with weak hands?

Calling too often with marginal hands is a common leak. Focus on tightening your preflop range—fold hands like low suited connectors or weak aces from early positions. Postflop, avoid chasing draws without proper odds. If you’re unsure whether to call, ask yourself: “Would I bet this hand if I were first to act?” If not, folding is usually better.

What’s the biggest mistake players make in bluffing?

Many players bluff too frequently or in bad spots. A good bluff needs a credible story—your actions should make sense based on the board and your opponent’s tendencies. Avoid bluffing against calling stations or in multiway pots. Instead, target tight players who fold often and pick boards where your range is stronger.

How can I improve my bet sizing?

Poor bet sizing gives away value or fails to protect strong hands. For value bets, size up on wet boards where opponents may call with draws. For bluffs, use smaller sizes on dry boards to make folds easier. A general rule: bet 50-75% of the pot for value and 33-50% for bluffs, adjusting based on opponent tendencies.

Why do I keep losing money in late tournament stages?

Late tournament play requires adjusting to shorter stacks and higher pressure. A common mistake is playing too passively when blinds are high—you should open more hands and apply pressure. Also, avoid calling all-ins with borderline hands unless pot odds justify it. Study ICM (Independent Chip Model) to make better decisions near the money bubble.

How do I handle tilt after a bad beat?

Tilt often comes from focusing on short-term results. Take a short break after a bad beat—walk away for a few minutes. Remind yourself that variance is part of poker. If you’re struggling emotionally, switch to lower stakes or stop playing for the day. Keeping a poker journal to review hands later can also help you stay objective.

How do I stop calling too much with weak hands?

Calling too often with marginal hands is a common leak. Focus on tightening your preflop ranges—fold more hands from early positions and avoid calling raises with weak suited connectors or low pairs. Postflop, ask yourself if your hand can withstand aggression. If you’re often folding to bets on later streets, you’re likely calling too much earlier.

What’s the biggest mistake players make in multiway pots?

Overvaluing top pair or weak draws in multiway pots is a major mistake. With more players, the chance someone has a strong hand increases. Avoid bluffing too much and value bet thinner—hands like second pair often aren’t worth betting for value. Stick to solid fundamentals: play tighter preflop and prioritize pot control with medium-strength hands.

How can I improve my bluffing strategy?

Good bluffs tell a believable story. Choose spots where your actions match a strong hand—like raising on boards that favor your range. Avoid bluffing opponents who rarely fold or in multiway pots. Balance your bluffs with value bets, and pay attention to opponent tendencies. If they fold too often to aggression, bluff more; if they call too much, bluff less.

Reviews

VelvetShadow

“Stop whining and fix your damn leaks! Fold trash preflop, stop chasing like a clown. Study or stay broke—your choice. No excuses, just results. 💥” (101)

Ethan Reynolds

Ah, the classic ‘fix your leaks’ advice—because nothing says ‘I’ve got this’ like folding every marginal hand until your stack bleeds out. Sure, tighten up preflop, but if you’re playing like a scared accountant, don’t act surprised when the table bullies take your lunch money. And yeah, position matters, but obsessing over it won’t magically make your river bluffs less transparent. Maybe stop overvaluing suited connectors like they’re a golden ticket? Spoiler: A7s isn’t a ‘playable hand’ just because it’s pretty. And for the love of poker, if you’re still min-clicking raises ‘to see where you’re at,’ just hand your chips over now—it’s cleaner. Real talk: most leaks aren’t about fancy GTO wizardry; they’re ego trips disguised as strategy. Fix that first.

Emily Harris

You call yourself a poker player, yet you still limp into pots like a tourist at a Vegas buffet. Tell me, what’s the logic behind throwing chips in just to fold when someone raises? Either commit or get out—indecision is a luxury you can’t afford. And those “pot odds” calculations you ignore? They’re not just math, they’re the difference between bleeding stacks and stacking wins. Oh, and let’s talk about tilt. You lose one hand and suddenly you’re playing like a drunk uncle at a family game, chasing losses with garbage hands. Newsflash: the table doesn’t owe you justice. If you can’t handle variance, take up knitting. And don’t even get me started on your “reads.” That gut feeling you swear by? It’s probably indigestion. Unless you’re tracking patterns, betting tendencies, and actual stats, you’re just guessing. Poker isn’t magic—it’s cold, hard exploitation of mistakes. Yours included. Fix the leaks or keep donating. Your choice.

ThunderBolt

*”Oh, wow—who knew folding your 7-2 offsuit under pressure could actually *help* your win rate? And here I was, blaming my ‘bad luck’ for those river suckouts. But tell me, fellow geniuses: when you hero-call with bottom pair ‘for balance,’ do you also whisper ‘GTO’ to yourself, or is that just me? Surely I’m not the only one who’s turned a ‘leak’ into a goddamn firehose?”*

Charlotte

*”Oh wow, another genius telling us how to ‘fix’ our poker game. Because clearly, the only reason I lose is that I haven’t memorized enough GTO charts or whatever. Tell me, fellow fish—when you fold your 72o preflop for the hundredth time and still get stacked by some maniac’s river bluff, do you also question why you even bother? Or is that just me?”*

SolarFlare

“Hi! I struggle with over-folding in late positions when facing aggression—how do I balance defending my blinds without calling too wide? Also, any tips for spotting population tendencies in micro-stakes to adjust ranges better?” (281 chars)

**Female Nicknames :**

LOL, your ‘strategy’ is just luck in a clown suit.

CyberWolf

*”You mention adjusting c-bet frequencies against sticky opponents—but how do you balance that with avoiding exploitative overfolding when they start floating wider? Specifically, in 3-bet pots with dynamic board textures, do you prioritize protecting your checking range or maintaining aggression? And if villain adjusts by merging their continuing range, what’s your move—polarize harder or trap with disguised equity? Feels like a chicken-or-egg problem where optimal play depends on their counter-adjustments. Got a concrete example from your own sessions?”* *(Characters: 548)*

Emily

One of the most liberating realizations in poker is that fixing leaks isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Small adjustments, like tightening your preflop range or paying closer attention to opponents’ bet sizing, compound over time. I’ve seen players transform their results just by focusing on one or two habits at a time. The key? Stay curious. Review hands without ego, celebrate incremental wins, and trust the process. Every session is a chance to refine your intuition. Poker rewards those who adapt, not overnight, but steadily. Keep it simple, stay patient, and the gains will follow.

Amelia

“Girl, those poker leaks? They’re just gaps waiting for your sparkle! Spot ’em, own ’em, and watch your game glow. Bluff smarter, fold sharper, and stack those chips like confetti—because you’re not just playing, you’re outshining. Now go deal yourself a winning hand! 💃♠️ #PokerQueen” (258 chars)

Henry

“Ah, poker leaks—those beautiful little flaws that turn your stack into a donation. Sure, you could fold pre like a sane person, but where’s the fun in that? Bluffing into the nuts? Classic. Overvaluing suited junk? Poetry. Fixing these isn’t about discipline; it’s about pretending you have any. So grab a coffee, ignore position, and keep punting. Or don’t. Either way, the fish thank you.” (436 symbols)

Oliver Mitchell

Hey guys, what’s one leak you’ve fixed that made the biggest difference in your game? For me, it was overvaluing medium-strength hands in 3-bet pots—once I tightened up there, my win rate jumped. Anyone else notice similar spots where small adjustments paid off big?

Daniel Foster

*Sigh.* Another day, another list of supposed “leaks” to patch up. Like it’s that simple. You grind for hours, fold the right hands, bluff when you should—then some guy flops two pair and stacks you. Fix leaks? Sure. But no amount of tweaking tilt control or pot odds will save you from the cold truth: poker doesn’t care. You can play perfect and still lose. That’s the game. So go ahead, adjust your ranges, study your stats. Just don’t expect miracles. The cards don’t owe you anything. Never did, never will.*

Emma Wilson

Oh honey, if your poker face is as shaky as your pre-flop raises, we’ve got work to do! Bluffing like a nervous squirrel won’t cut it—tighten up those folds, darling. Spot those tilt tantrums before they spot you (we all know that one guy who loses it over a bad beat). And please, for the love of chips, stop calling with suited connectors just because they’re *pretty*. Math doesn’t care about your aesthetic, sweetie. Time to crush those leaks like last night’s bad bluff! 💅♠️

Sophia

“Ah, the classic ‘fix your leaks’ spiel. Newsflash: most players are too stubborn to fold their ‘precious’ suited connectors or admit they tilt. Good luck teaching fish to swim.” (170 chars)

EmberGlow

“Your tips on adjusting to tight-aggressive players are spot on—but how do you balance that with avoiding predictability yourself? Especially in late position when the table’s watching for your moves?” (400 символов)

Benjamin Hayes

“Subtle adjustments often yield the quietest victories. Tightening preflop ranges isn’t flashy, but folding suited connectors from early position saves more chips than hero calls ever will. Bet sizing tells more than cards—a pot-sized river shove rarely bluffs. Notice how opponents fold to delayed c-bets; exploit that rhythm. Stealing blinds isn’t greed, it’s geometry. And tilt? A leak disguised as passion. Breathe, fold, wait. The game rewards patience, not justice.” (614 chars)

SolarFlare

“LOL, so I tried bluffin’ with a 2-7 offsuit ‘cause some guy on YouTube said it’s ‘advanced.’ Lost my rent money. Now my cat judges me. Pro tip: if yer ‘strategy’ involves prayin’ the river saves ya, maybe stick to bingo. Also, foldin’ ain’t just for laundry, genius. My ex-wife knew when to fold—wish I took her advice at the table too. *cries in bad beats*” (367 chars)